In the United States, Memorial Day, and the weekend leading up to it, is a demarcation point for many things. Schools close and vacation destinations open, cuing the packing up of the Family Truckster for a well-deserved getaway, hoping the traffic out of the city isn’t too heavy and everything goes according to plan. People staying home check their stock of charcoal and then perform the ancient, hallowed rite to welcome the warmth of summer, otherwise known as backyard grilling. Many others still just relish the three-day weekend by hitting the theaters, catching a concert or just lounging on the newly opened beaches.
For Military folk, Memorial Day means all these wonderful things, but it also means something more significant. It is a time for personal reflection on the fallen soldiers who gave their lives for the freedom we sometimes take for granted. Everyone has been pretty much cued in on the real reason for the holiday, and it’s not like folks don’t care (at least I’d like to believe that), but they just get wrapped up in all the fun stuff they forget to thank the men and women who gave their all for us.
For my family, Memorial Day is dedicated to my mom’s brother who died in Vietnam. My uncle Jimmy died before I was born, so I have to admit his death never affected me as it my mom, especially since they were fairly close in age. He was drafted as many were back then, and from what I understand, he had the opportunity to flee to Canada but sternly declined the offer. He served in a radio control tower for the Air Force, which was believed to be a “safe” MOS, but the tower was blown up with him in it. His tour began just a couple months prior, so it’s needless to say how devastating this was to the family.
I remember making a rubbing of his name for her off the Memorial Wall when my eighth grade class visited Washington D.C back in 1988. I knew the opportunity may not ever present itself again, as we were pretty impoverished growing up, so I broke away from the tour to locate his name in order to get the rubbing. There are tens of thousands of names, listed in order by casualty, so it’s not exactly easy to find one particular name, especially back then when searching was done by flipping through a bunch of big books! Our tour was only supposed to be visiting there for ten minutes, just to pass through, but I was probably gone for about an hour – maybe more.
I got yelled at pretty severely for holding up the class, but I didn’t care, because I knew how important that rubbing was for her. Reflecting now, I can see how the teachers would become worried I was missing, but uhhh… good luck explaining that to an angst-ridden and rebellious fourteen year old on a mission!
When I came home from my trip and presented that slip of paper to my mom, I can remember how profusely she thanked me for getting it for her. The salt from her tears could have been tasted in the air. I’m not sure if I ever told her what I went through to get it, but I can say with certainty it was well worth it.
It is because of my mom’s experience I can understand her wishing Ryan had chosen a MOS other than Infantry. Her brother died in what was supposed to be a relatively safe position, and it didn’t do him much good. Front line combat, in her eyes, all but ensures a death sentence. I just have to keep working on convincing her he’ll be okay, just as I have to convince myself.
Yep, Memorial Day for my family is definitely taking on another layer of meaning, now that Ryan is officially part of the Military. I personally will be reflecting on the past, but I will also be looking toward the future while relishing every aspect of the present.
ADDEM: Thanks to the Internet, it’s so much easier to get details on exactly what happened to my uncle. I had no idea he was one of the first casualties resulting from the Tet Offensive at the Bien Hoa airbase. I knew it was a mortar or rocket blast that took his life, but until just now, I never had this much information, nor do I even know if my mom does. I don’t know if she wants to know any further details, but should the conversation come up, a least I can offer the information to her.
I am humbled and filled with pride that much more.
It took a lot of courage to get that rubbing for your mom. It shows that you knew what was important.
Growing up, the reason for Memorial Day was pretty much on the periphery for me. My family wasn’t career military, even though I grew up in a neighborhood that housed military families. It hasn’t been until recently that I’ve truly appreciated what the day means. I have three Marines in the family. Perhaps, soon, a fourth. I also have firefighters, police officers, and emergency workers.
My niece, in doing our genealogy, discovered that my great-grandfather served in the Civil War and that his brother was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for capturing enemy colors. That made remember that Memorial Day used to be called Decoration Day, when the graves of the Civil War dead were decorated with remembrances and flowers.
The world is such a dangerous place these days. I’m so proud of the service my family members give. And I’m happy to honor all of those men and women who have given the ultimate sacrifice for peace and freedom.
Thanks for sharing Karen; it must be very humbling to come across something so powerful in your family tree. As for me, I don’t think what I did was all that brave, just doing what I thought was more important. I wasn’t all that popular in that class anyway, so it’s not like messing up their schedule was detrimental to any friendships.
That, and it was post-graduation; they couldn’t exactly take back my diploma LOL!
As far as the world being dangerous, I try to think of things a bit differently and be as optimistic as I can, in spite of being a very cynical person. For example, it’s statistically more dangerous to be here in Chicago than Afghanistan due to all the prevalent gang violence. Even tony neighborhoods are affected. I said that to my mom a couple weeks ago, albeit in a joking manner, after she said she had locked herself in the bathroom several hours crying over Ryan. The statistic itself didn’t reassure her any, but my delivery helped change the subject enough to redirect the conversation toward all the positive aspects of serving.
I hope you have a great holiday weekend!
[...] Warriors & Kin blog, you can read about a Pagan mom who’s son is entering the military, and her experiences with Memorial Day within her family. You can also experience the diverse opinions and experiences of those who serve, have served, [...]