I’ve been playing Secret Squirrel with the other Army folks online, and part of me feels pretty dirty for doing so. I’ve always been an open book type of person, but that is my choice. So, in order to shield my son from unnecessary backlash, as well as to follow OPSEC rules, I’ve kept the bulk of his personal info out of the equation. In fact, I reluctantly created a Facebook account with my name scrambled (and unable to search whatsoever), just so I can participate with the vocal majority of the Army Moms, many of which are of the Fundy variety. Needless to say, I’ve had my share of verses. However, I’ve learned lots of useful information from their first-hand experiences no official postings or articles discuss, so I feel my “covert mission” is justified.
A humorous story is how one Soldier during Basic Training received a Priority package from his grandmother filled with homemade cookies: a HUGE no-no! Not only did he not get those cookies, but the Drill Instructors ate them right in front of him and made him do push-ups the entire time as they ate. That kid I felt truly sorry for, because he had nothing to do with it. A similar tale came from a mom who thought it would make her Soldier’s day extra special by decorating the front of her letter’s envelope with a bunch of blue stars. Well, it made his day special all right: he had to do five push-ups for every one of those stars if he wanted to receive that letter! (Note to self: address envelopes plainly!) And yes, he wanted it badly, because those letters during Basic Training is the only form of written communication they are allowed to read from the outside world.
From what I understand, outside of their training manuals, the only other thing Soldiers get to read during Basic are religious books, like Bibles. I’ve also heard mention of military publications like magazines being acceptable, though I do not have confirmation. It makes me wonder if works such as A Book of Pagan Prayer would be deemed acceptable as well. Hmmm… Does anyone else know?
Another example of what not to do would be how one Private Joker snatched a Drill Instructor’s infamous “Smokey the Bear” hat off his head. (WHAT?!) The punishment he received was five hours of push-ups in the mud! As his mom was relaying her Soldier’s tearful “I wanna go home!” letter in her posting, I so eagerly wanted to reply something snarky, but I bit my virtual tongue out of tact. I have to admit though, visualizing that scenario gets a lot of LOLs, snorts and snickers out of me, because I can just imagine how red his face must have been! Sargeant Hartman was definitely not amused.
One major aspect I learned is what non-Christian Soldiers get to do when they opt not to attend a Sunday service of some kind; they spend two hours picking up cigarette butts or performing other sh*t jobs. Being that Ryan classified himself as Agnostic (as he’s currently in seeker mode that I respect), I filled him in on that unpublished detail. Now my husband said if that were him, he would be happily go on “butt patrol”, because there is no way he’d be bribed into even snoozing through a service. The Soldier further stated in his forum posting most folks at his post, religious or otherwise, opted to attend a Catholic Mass, as that’s only an hour long and at 6:30am. In other words, they just wanted to get it over with. I can imagine a lot of fair weather Christians choosing that option over drawn-out Bible studies and whatnot.
Now granted, I get they expect Soldiers to do something with their day, and one could argue doing mindless tasks like picking up cigarette butts, wiping down clean window sills and re-scrubbing latrines can in fact induce meditation and a lot of personal reflection. I know I have personal experience; at my previous job, running a copier machine for six hours straight sure did invoke some deep thoughts, including the “I hate my job!” mantra haha. But it seems to me requiring people to choose church or BS work is really just bribery in disguise.
On that tangent, some of the on-post missionaries appear to blatantly bribe Soldiers in Basic Training to attend their Bible studies by taking pictures of them holding messages made available back home. What mom wouldn’t love the opportunity to see her smiling son or daughter’s picture online holding up a “Hi Mom!” sign? It’s both an assurance her Soldier is doing fine as well as an acknowledgment she’s indeed loved and missed. But this mom would prefer her Soldier hang out with the missionaries only if his heart honestly guides him there (and if he doesn’t get all preachy-like afterward!). If that’s what he truly wants, more power to him. Who am I to judge?
Now where Ryan’s heading, there is a Pagan Circle in the midst of getting underway, so by the time he arrives, it should be an option for him. The Pagan in me hopes he at least drops in and checks them out, but the secular mom in me understands and respects that is his choice to make. Part of me is concerned too he’ll be arbitrarily brainwashed into some sort of fundy group. I’m concerned, because the primary objective during Basic is to break and remold (mostly) young adults into the Army way of doing things, dependent upon the Army for 99% of all their needs, and these too are mostly kids who have never been away from home before. Ryan fits that description perfectly; people like him are exactly the type fundy missionaries look for, because they’re already primed for their remolding as well. I just pray to the Goddess to look over him for me, and that I have instilled in him enough independence and discernment not to be swayed by such people.
I suppose a big chunk of my concerns come from the very information I’ve sought out. Yes, I got the scoop on how things work, and yes, it is comforting for me to know more of what he will be going through. Knowledge can be a wonderful thing! But because I have also come to know the virtually vocal majority, it has actually created concerns I did not have before. As I mentioned, I set up a Facebook account specifically to mingle with the other Army Moms, and while they’re generally a nice group of ladies, wow can they gossip! Everything they learn they get back to their Soldiers and then pump them for as many details as possible, thus reporting all of it back to the group. I’ve already discovered clicking the Like! button for a certain vampire show’s fansite was an unwritten no-no. Nope, not Army Mom approved. And, I purposely left my religion blank, so I got a couple people unfriending me on that, too. And let’s not forget to mention at least 75% of the posts are all about God, Jesus and the rest of the Abrahamic posse.
So yeah, it’s a bit unsettling for me to even somewhat disguise who I am. I didn’t mean to hurt or otherwise snub my Pagan, Metal, Secular Homeschool, GLBT, Vegetarian and Eco-Centric friends by repeatedly clicking the Ignore button. But because the vocal majority are such gossip hounds that scrutinize everything people do, I have to be careful not to friend the “wrong” crowd. At least for now. Even my brother, who should have been otherwise deemed acceptable, was scrutinized by these women for being a “typical Californian liberal”.
Ah well. Like I said, I’m digging for details, and while my efforts have helped immensely, some of them are not all that pretty. I do believe however having my son go in with his eyes wide open will be one of the most important things I can do. The mom in me just can’t help herself!
I find these posts of yours really interesting, Lori, but in a kind of sad way. For instance, hearing about the restraint that loved ones must exercise in their communications so that their sons or grandsons are not taunted and ridiculed by others for being “unmanly” (or at least, it seems to me this is the only point of punishing a boy for receiving letters or gifts from family)… just make me wonder (a) how women and gay men could possibly be treated with any kind of equality and respect in such an institution, and (b) why it always seems to be the case that training soldiers goes hand-in-hand with reducing or mocking their ties to “soft” (i.e. civilian) humanity. I would think that, eventually, this kind of thing would have to give us pause. I’m not comfortable thinking that my safety rests on someone else’s humiliation – and this is true not just of the kind of toughen-’em-up light abuses of Basic Training, but the kind of humiliation and fear that a person experiences in the midst of war itself. I would rather take my chances relying on a culture that tries to encourage and support everyone‘s ability to connect and appreciate those small, hand-made affections like cookies and stars – in short, I would rather place my safety in the hands of humanity, than rely on the machines of war being run by “men” who hold disdain for such small things.
Not that all soldiers become such “men,” of course, but it does sound like they are encouraged to at least play-act that kind of macho role… I suppose what I’m saying is that I share the concern you express about the “fundies” taking advantage of the opportunity of these boys being broken and remade, except that I worry about the aims and intentions of the army itself. We crave initiation experiences in this culture, because we have so few available to us… I just wish young men, and women, could find opportunities to be broken and remade, to find maturity and honor and strength and discipline and commitment, in a society that doesn’t rely on an aggressive military to define its agenda. Then perhaps instead of having broken soldiers returning from war and struggling with reintegration into a society that (not so) secretly fears them, we might have men and women stepping newly whole into leadership roles who not only believe peace is possible but have some personal experience in making peace, at least within themselves.
I pray your son will be protected and loved by the gods, as well. May he come home whole.
Hi Ali,
The restraint part is primarily set in place so their training goes uninterrupted. They want the Soldiers to receive letters, as they boost morale and keep them going, but at the same time, the military has to have limits on outside contact in order to keep things moving along. Also, their food intake is restricted and re-designated as mere fuel (to be shoveled in as quickly as possible). They are sleep deprived. Their weight is closely monitored. Their accomplishments and failures are tallied. And, they have to endure inhaling tear gas while reciting their names and social security numbers.
All of this training is conducted in a mere nine weeks; that is not a long time considering some of their next stops can very well be war zones. It also builds camaraderie in situations that call for it the most. (Who wants to second guess the guy who is supposed to have our backs?) While I agree with you what these men and women go through seems to be heartless and cruel, and I do not like the thought of my son being “broken” (he doesn’t need fixing if you ask me!), this is ultimately what he wants to do. Therefore, I am attempting to prepare him for everything coming his way. No surprises! There is a comfort in knowing every member of the military is there of their own volition, even if some folks are enlisting more for a job and/or benefits than to serve their country. At least they made that choice, unlike the draftees of wars past. Not everyone makes a good warrior!
Women and (unfortunately closeted) gay men do go through the same training every day, and I have had the good fortune to have gotten to know some of these fine folks as civilians afterward. I’m sure it was not easy for them or any military person to adjust to a more peaceful and unrestricted way of life, as the previous blog post by Rebellious Pagan illustrates, but it is indeed done. I imagine there is a great deal of downtime warranted and needed that I personally have no experience. This is probably the best reason out there why we should thank our service men and women publicly so they know even if we do not agree with military practices, we appreciate and support them individually and as a whole.
I too wish for world peace, as canned as that sounds, especially coming from me. (I relate “world peace” to beauty pageants.) But it seems since the dawn of man, there has always been fights and wars broken out over the silliest things – like religion and supply sources. Our ancestors fought over the best hunting spots, and today we fight for oil. It sucks we have to get dragged into pissing contests, but the cynic in me doesn’t see that mindset changing anytime soon.
It is important to note we ***also*** are on the defensive against people who believe differently than we do and go to great lengths to impose their beliefs on us. I, as a woman, have the option to walk down the street without a male escort. I can go to school and choose which school to attend. I can choose my own religion. I can divorce my husband and was able to choose him as he chose me. I can have sex with whomever I like. I do not have to worry about my genitalia being mutilated just so I will not run the risk of *gasp!* relishing an orgasm. I live in a society that permits all these things, and the older I get, the more I appreciate these freedoms our society takes for granted. I can even eat a pork chop if I wanted!
It’s true we still have a long way to go against stigmas such as homosexuality, fair pay and whatnot, but what we do have is mere pipe dreams compared to others. These freedoms are worth fighting for, and I am so proud my son wants to ensure these rights are upheld.
So you see, while I agree with you elements of machismo are prevalent, and I thank you for also praying my son will not succumb to the fundies’ tactics, I just don’t know how else our military can get our men and women prepared, though I have to give them a lot of credit for adjusting to a more modern society. My son may be screamed at, but at least I know he won’t be hit. It’s a start.
Hi Lori – many things differ from service to service and DI or TI to DI/TI. Sometimes food is not allowed to be sent from home and is thrown away. Sometimes home made food is not allowed (who knows what is in it, drugs have been sent that way) and thrown away. Sometimes the food is simply shared with the whole group. It’s best to wait and let your son tell you what the food restrictions are.
As for Sunday Church – even the kids who didn’t have any particular faith or were atheists went to church. We just went to the clergy who knew the game and helped us out. Chaplains, for the most part, are one of your best friends in Basic Training. There’s always one who just allows the non-religious to hang out in a room and drink pop and eat cookies or something else and they don’t try to convert you. Your son just needs to find out which Chaplain that is. Sunday mornings can be a refuge from the stress of Basic Training. Chaplains can also be people your son can talk non-religious things over with and go to if they have any problems with their DI/TI. If a trainee asks to see a Chaplain, he or she cannot be refused and they do not need to disclose what they need to talk about.
I went through Basic and it wasn’t that bad. (Although marines would tell me that’s because I wasn’t a Marine!) It isn’t physically that bad and it isn’t emotionally that bad (although your first call home you cry – don’t read too much into that when it happens). They are just trying to apply stress to you – they don’t actually break you. What they do is remarkably like a Pagan ritual.
The first thing that happens is that the outside world is left behind so you can focus on the here and now. Then they raise power (physical power through exercise and emotional stress) and help you to form a connection with those who are with you. Then, at graduation, you release that power according to the group’s Will. It is a very transformative process, but not a negative or harmful one.
Hi Cara,
I got the bulk of the Basic experiences from wall and discussion postings on that post’s official Facebook page, so I have to believe what I’m reading is pretty on target. I will admit though it surprises me just how MANY details these moms and wives post: ship dates, graduation dates, full names and ranks, even pictures with close-ups of their faces and uniforms. (And that includes post-graduation detailed movements, which really surprises me.) I just keep hoping by the time Ryan heads down there, I will have compiled enough info so his experience will be that much easier than the guys next to him who show up completely blindsided.
I have no doubt even atheists attend services, and again I get that the point is to do /something/, but there is just an aching part of me that says it’s just wrong. I have to think at the very least they’re uncomfortable, at least as much as I am when I attend church weddings. My husband, OTOH, refuses to sit in a church for any reason, because he just doesn’t swing that way. He even squirms in his seat during grace said at meals. (He usually excuses himself for a cigarette break at that point.)
With Ryan, I don’t think he’s ever attended a Christian church function, unless his Catholic baptismal counts when he was an infant. (I did that for him to make my mom happy.) Needless to say, something like that would be a *really* different experience for him, and it’s because of that too I worry about the fundy brainwashing. I’m sure I’ve raised him to be discerning enough to not fall victim to that sort of thing, and I have to believe that. But I gotta tell ya, with every other posting being overtly Christian in nature, it doesn’t make me feel all that comfortable. I just keep telling myself that’s just the *vocal* majority and not representative of everyone.
And I do hope you’re right the guys aren’t broken, because my son doesn’t need fixing. Sure, he’s surly and full of angst at times, and sometimes he can be downright cruel with his brutal honesty (I raised him *too* well I fear!), so I do hope some tact comes along with his blunt assertiveness. I just chalk that up to being a kid, because I know I was hell on wheels at his age, and Ron admits to being not better to his mom. So I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if his attitude changes any.
Thank you for your words of wisdom. I do want to let him make his own choices in life, in spite of my own opinions and POVs. And no, the last thing I want to be labeled as is some type of helicopter mom.
Thanks!
We never had to attend the Church service, the Chaplain just let us hang out in a room for a few hours. From what I have heard from other services (the Tech school I went to was for all services, even Coast Guard) there’s usually a sympathetic Chaplain who is willing to just provide an oasis of calm and fun for those who are not of his faith or any faith at all. Not always, but usually. That’s because the Chaplains want the service members to know that the Chaplains are there for them in case they need help (spiritual or otherwise). Seriously, while every once in a while you hear about an asshole Chaplain, most of the time they are wonderful and helpful people who can kick some serious ass if bad shit is going down on enlisted service members. Chaplains can jump over the chain of command.
Read what these mom’s say – but also know this – what you are hearing is like a game of telephone. Some is going to be dead one, some isn’t. The kids experience something and that is filtered through what they are feeling and their background. That’s then passed to the mom. The mom then internalizes it and passes it on. A girl and I went through basic in the same unit. In fact, I was her squad leader. Our mom’s knew each other. Based on just our letters home, you would have thought we were at two very different places. And then once our mother’s finished telling others about, that would make it 4 different places. So listen to what they say, take what you can from it, but know that what you are getting may or may not be right on in every way.
Basic Training really isn’t bad. The first 2 weeks suck. Then it gets better and better. For one thing, your TI/DI stops being an unreasonable dick and starts explaining things to you. Helping you. S/he really wants you to succeed! Some of it is very fun.
We had a female in our unit who could not run. I don’t know what the deal was, but she couldn’t run for crap. There was no way she would make the physical run time needed for graduation. We all worked with her. The DI worked with her twice a day and was very patient with her. She was trying so hard. When it came time for the graduation run, the DI did the run with her. He couldn’t touch her, but he pleaded, yelled, cursed, encouraged her in every way he could as he ran along side her. He had her run by herself, after the unit made their time, and the unit voluntarily made the run again next to her so we could cheer her on, too.
Our flight could have food sent from home. The flight in the bay across from us couldn’t. They got to have a pizza party as a reward for excellent scores on inspection. We didn’t. So much depends on the location and the TI/DI.
Heh. We had a few females who cried every night for their stuffed animals. Most of us had brought one, but we had to put it in the storage locker. The DI got sick of it and made us all get our stuffed animals out and carry them around for an entire day. We loved it!!! We couldn’t be shamed. He said to hell with it and let us keep them in our lockers and take them out at night. Then the Base Commander did a surprise inspection of our Flights and when he opened the lockers and saw the stuffed animals he paused. Our DI was at attention and was subtly looking at the Commander, daring him to comment. The Commander then fought down a smile and comment on how squared away “Teddy” was – thereafter calling our DI Sgt. Teddy Bear.
There’s good stuff and bad in Basic. The most important thing for your son to remember is to take a deep breath and calm down. They want to stress you and make you hurry to cause more stress and then you make an error and they jump you for it. Because they want you to learn to take a breath, calm down, and do it right even when you are in a stressful situation. Females learn this right away. The males take longer to learn this.
It’ll be fine.
As you noted, it depends on a lot of factors. Navy boot camp sucked for me, and my entire military service sucked even worse. Most people went to religious services just to get out of having to do makework during those couple of hours. I never had any direct interactions with any chaplains beyond talking to one while my parents were getting divorced.
Of course, I went through boot in 1979, so things have probably changed considerably since that time, but we all have to face the fact that sleep deprivation and other aspects of boot camp are, in fact, designed to break down your personality so it can be rewritten in the way the military desires.
Thanks for that!!
Ryan doesn’t seem concerned about anything, though he never really has been. I have a lot of concerns – not surprise – and some days are better than others, depending on what I come across.
Thanks.
An excellent post, and very insightful replies to comments. A few things I’d like to share from my basic training experience.
I went to basic at Ft. Lost-in-the-Woods (Leonard Wood) in MO, a dull, brown, snake and fiddleback spider infested post. Lots of fun.
I actually didn’t come out of the ‘broom closet’ until a few weeks into basic, when our only female (and toughest) Drill Sgt came up to me and asked which service I was going to that day (it was early Sunday morning).
‘ Drill Sgt! This private is not attending service today, Drill Sgt!’
‘ Why the hell not private!?’
‘ Drill Sgt! Because it is this private’s understanding that there are no services for my faith on post, Drill Sgt!’
‘ Really? And what faith is that, you obviously misinformed private!?’
‘ Drill Sgt! Pagan, Drill Sgt!’
I didn’t mean to out myself, but I’ve never been one to hide my faith, so it just happened. To late to take it back now. She gave me a funny look, while concerns at retribution began rapidly filling my head.
‘ Well, I think you’re right. Since I don’t know squat about your faith, you’re going to have to educate me. What can we do to accommodate you?’
There was a loud noise behind me, which I later realized was me excreting a brick.
I was lucky to have an understanding and curious DS, I hear that others are not so fortunate. But due to her understanding and respect of other faith groups, I was able to keep 2 pagan books ( one by Konstantinos, and Ray Buckland’s Big Blue Book ) in my locker, and read them during what little personal time we had. It is something that we are authorized, and I wish I could tell you which reg said that, I believe it’s AR 165-1 (you should be able to google it). She also made sure that we ( I found out there were 5 more pagans in my company ) had adequate time and space to ritual ( or in one case, keep our inner child strong by playing freeze tag! ). I didn’t have any interaction with a chaplain, so I can’t speak on that in basic, but the chaplains where I’m at now are very supportive of pagans in the military, and bend over backwards to make sure we have what we need.
As for the screaming, push-ups for decorated letters, ‘punishment’ for mailed food (especially cookies), etc., it’s all part of the military game. Heck, I had friends who would write things like ‘snooky-wooky Pvt Niels’, or ‘Drill Sgts are getting soft’, or ‘Hey, DS, make Niels do flutter kicks while singing “Puff the Magic Dragon” for this letter!’ (which the DSs were more than happy to oblige…) just to mess with me. It’s all part of the game. And in the end, all that extra PT (Physical Training) helps immensly at the last APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test). And I have no pity for the moron who snatched the DS’s Brown Round. That’s just asking to get smoked (disciplinary PT).
Anyway, I guess I went on a bit there. The point is, EVERY soldier is authorized ‘worship time’, whatever faith that is, and all Chaplains are required to provide for soldiers whatever that means (withing reason). The Army still, unfortunately, has it’s share of Bible-thumping bigots who will make a pagan’s life difficult, but overall, that’s not the case, and the Regs are on our side.
Welcome to the Army Family, to both you and your son. We’ve got our problems, but I think you’ll find, that we’re an overall good lot who always will make the effort to help a fellow soldier. Hooah!
Hi Neils,
So lemme ask ya this – do you have any footage of going all Chuck Norris “Octagon”-style while singing?
I’d subscribe for sure LOL!
But seriously…
Thanks for your insight as well. Like I said, I’ve just been doing an awful lot of researching the last few months, and I thought it would be a good idea to put up some of my findings and get feedback on it. My hope is it helps out other folks down the road as well.
Thanks!
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